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Bargaining with Rumpelstiltskin never turns out well, even if it might get you out of the hardest exam of your life! Our hero realises their mistake a little too late – can they still find a way to triumph, or will this fairytale have an unhappy ending?

• Sam 1 - Andrew “exam anxiety…this is pure method” Raynes (Somerville)
• Sam 2 - Saul “I'll whip it out” Edward
• Sam 3 - Aleksandra “do I sound more human?” Matkowska (Keble)
• Sam 4 - Maya “guess I'll just give it a rub” Greetham

• Logic - Will “I was distracted by fantastic sex” Ainsworth (St Edmund Hall)
• Anxiety - Ali “I smell burning in this room here” Witheford (Magdalen)
• Romance - Grace “hot chocolate leads to sex” Masback (Wadham)

• Alex - Lily “awkward silence” Massey (Pembroke)

• Rumpelstiltskin - Charlie “aiming for 60% frog” Gill (Green Templeton)

• Dominic - Ed “ha ha ha” Tansley (St Anne’s)
• Nigel - Tom “can't crump the rump” Vallely (Somerville)
• Boris - Freddie “start crying” Houlahan (Balliol)
• The Boss - Ana “I look like a clown” Pagu (Linacre)

• Kelsey - Aleksandra “cannot stop the vibes” Matkowska (Keble)
• Kim - Audrey “the vibes have to stop” Ciancioni

• Shane - Sebastian “I guess I could consider an accent” Morson (St Anne’s)
• Kian - Fabian “cock-a-doodle-doo” Bourdeaux (St Anne’s)
• Nicky - Freddie “hoodie energy” Houlahan (Balliol)

• Daphne - Myra “I wanted the genie to sell me some tickets” Cruz
• Velma - Fen “imagine Jesus' tomb” Brunt (Mansfield)

• Examiner - Charlie “my basement is filled with chaotic gays” Howley (LMH)
• Model - Myra “you could get closer” Cruz
• Hot Chocolate Seller - Ekin “hot chocolate seller, I need your strongest hot chocolates” Pehlivan
• Alex's dad, Dennis - Tom “just as perky as the day we met” Vallely (Somerville)
• Alex's mum, Morag - Charlie “dominated this scene” Howley (LMH)
• Jo - Fen “is this Pride and Prejudice” Brunt (Mansfield)
• Genie - Em “that sounds like the audience's problem” Fawcett (Wadham)
• Stallholder - Ed “something very naughty” Tansley (St Anne’s)
• Small Child - Ali “if you're ever looking for a small child let me know” Witheford (Magdalen)

• Directors
  • Jake “this one's productive” Caudwell (Magdalen)
  • Charlie “if you're not sitting in the audience's lap you're doing it wrong” Howley (LMH)
• Assistant Directors
  • Amy “I don't know if you face was doing what you intended” Hemsworth (Teddy Hall)
  • Jake “I'm going to pick on Grace” Burton
• Writer - Jake “my apologies” Burton
• Script Editor - Amy “you're caricatures of people” Hemsworth (Teddy Hall)
• Musical Directors
  • Aleksandra “designated ooohers” Matkowska (Keble)
  • Fabian “Romplestikltski” Bourdeaux (St Anne’s)
• Producers
  • Charlie “I will channel gremlin” Gill (Green Templeton)
  • Ed “I do think Rumpelstiltskin should dab” Tansley (St Anne’s)
• Stage Manager - Fen “my pole is vertical” Brunt (Mansfield)
• Lighting - David “Dave, Dave, the one man rave!” Street
• Marketing Manager - Elspeth “confident and obnoxious” Rogers (St John’s)
• Graphic Design - Andrew “requesting entrance” Raynes (Somerville)
• Ceilidh Coordinators - Alex “seven out of eight isn't bad” Burgar
• Pianist - Jack “his fingers do magical things” Wilson
• Guitarist - Ellie “can we get hotpants as stash” Welbourn

• Dreams - Mo “romantic kazoo” Weckbecker
• Something New - Ellie “gonna buy a kid” Welbourn
• Ode to a Sub Fusc
  • Ali “I hope you're not straight” Witheford (Magdalen)
  • Ellie “maybe you're a red flag” Welcourn
• Rumpelstilt-song - Ellie “drop dead gorgeous” Welbourn
• King of the Ring - Jake “rap Genie-us” Burton
• Lessons That We've Learned
  • Fabian “we can gaslight the audience, right?” Bourdeaux (St Anne’s)
  • Aleksandra “knows all the doms” Matkowska (Keble)

Programme