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A Muddle-Juniper and Mercuria Script

• Dick Whittington - Hannah “I'm rugged and manly!” Veale (St. Hilda's)
• Tommy the Cat - Laurie “You don't scare me!” Penny (Wadham)
• Sarah the Cook - Dom “I'll have you know that men throw flowers at my feet” Mattos (STB)
• Idle Jack - Thomas “That's just to cover up the smell!” Woolley (St Johns)
• Alice Fitzwarren - beth “Noooooooooo!” rowell (St Hilda's)
• Alderman Fitzwarren - Elizabeth “I've got Health and Safety on my back. See?” Baldwin (Balliol)
• Theodora Fitzwarren - Elizabeth “It says, in the Bible,” Shanahan (St Hilda's)
• Baz - Chris “Eugh! It's all swollen!” Outen
• Gaz - Lydia “HP is always a reliable source” Nicholas (Christ Church)
• Daz - Andrew “I think it's better in the bush than in the hand” Campbell
• Captain Biggenheard - Gemunu “Yarr!” Sorry, it's a reflex“ Cooray (Exeter)
• Edwina _{(A Parrot)} - Gemunu “Trouble! Where? Squark!” Cooray (Exeter)
• Fairy Bow-Bells - Helen “The Spirit of the Bells is a double gin with lime” Nightingale (Somerville)
• Queen Rat - Emma “And when you all me Madam, quake with fear!” Lewis
• Terrence Rat - Duncan “Get rid of Dick, and you get rid of Pussy” Coutts (Worcester)
• Reginald Rat - Nat “Because I don't look remotely like a girl!” Mills (St Hilda's)
• Algeron Rat - Emily “Yes, Oh supreme ratbag!” Kerr
• Captain Black-Whiskers - Harry “Yaarrr!” Ullman (Wadham)
• Pi-rat 1 - Philip “Yaarrr!” Scott
• Pi-rat 2 - William “Yaarrr!” Minter (Wadham)
• Sultan Vinegar - Philip “And then she battered my sausage!” Gemmell
• Judge - Helen “This is a farce!” Walter-Swann
• Counsel for the Defence - Philip “I don't know why I bothered!” Gemmell
• Counsel for the Prosecution - Lara “Ith this tewwible” Nelson
• Solicitor for the Defence - Sian “You look more like an estate agent to me!” Nielson
• Auxiliary Fairy 1 - Helen “That's just rude!” Shield
• Auxiliary Fairy 2 - Katherine “at least I'm not drunk and lewd” Oliver
• Guard 1 - Neil “It has a number in it, so it must be important” James Tarrant (St Catz)
• Guard 2 - Matthew “A tall, dashing, long-haired young man in your service” Robinson (Wadham)
• Policeman - Merlin ”'ello 'ello 'ello!“ Fulcher
• Old Crone - Kirsten “Beware the high heels of Devon!” Sample
• The Radio - Joey “One hundred and one things to do with a sausage!” Clark

• Written by - Dom Mattos (STB)
• Director - Dom “Well, we'll have to do it again then, won't we? Whoops!” Mattos (STB)
• Co-Director - Laurie “Alright then boys and girls” Penny (Wadham)
• Musical Director - William “Well, at least the bing-bongs are going okay” Minter (Wadham)
• Costume Mistress - Helen “Gam, this is your stunt parrot. Be nice to him!” Nightingale (Somerville)
• Lighting Designer - Mark Roberts
• Fight Choreography - C “Remember the knap!” Howdle (Wadham)
• Dance Choreography - Hannah “Shall we go through that one more time?” Veale (St. Hilda's)
• Thanks To _{(for making Dom's lovely Dame costume!)} - Jocelyne Mattos