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Good, evil, cross-dressing, it's all here.

• Archie _{(King of Fairyland)} - Jhon “Well, that's not a problem. I'm the King. Get out!” Polatch
• Esmeralda _{(Queen of Fairyland)} - C “The Queen - oh, what a wimp!” Howdle (Wadham)
• Belle _{(Their daughter)} - Lydia “But Belle, she is the fairest of them all.” Menzies
• Maid Marion _{(Belle's Maid)} - Andrea “But, Maid Marion, you're beautiful” Watts
• Cook - Duncan “If you tasted my piccalilli you'd see you were making a big mistake” Coutts (Worcester)
• Little Boy Blue - Franco “You're not fit to be in charge of a goldfish” Woolfe

• Fairy Nuff - Fennel Aurora
• Fairy Lea - Rhi Mogridge
• Fairy Liquid - Claire Cruise
• Humpty Dumpty _{(An Egg)} - Mike “You're better than Little Boy Blue” Hallard (Queen's)

• Fairy Stofthemall _{(A bad fairy)} - Elizabeth “She's a bad fairy. The worst” Baldwin (Wadham)
• Evil Minion _{(Her sidekick)} - Julia “This is my minion, whose name is not important” Short
• Jean-Pierre _{(A dejected lover)} - Nicole “Je suis le prince amoreux” Gera

• Various Princes -
  • Mike Hallard (Queen's)
  • Richard Owen (Lincoln)
  • Liz Norman
• Inept Policemen -
  • Liz Norman
  • Richard Owen (Lincoln)

• Written by - Liz Norman, Lydia Menzies and the drunken script-writing team
• Directed by - Rhi Mogridge and her team of RADA-trained llamas
• Produced by - Duncan Coutts (Worcester) and Andrea Watts