Everyone Dies At The End (Hilary, 2019)

Everyone Dies At The End (Hilary, 2019)

Everyone Dies at the End is comedy musical about (spoiler alert) the apocalypse! Yes, you read that right. Let me explain.

Bored of their daily routine of trotting around for millennia, the Horsemen of the Apocalypse decided to do what they were literally created to do: kill everyone! The Norse Gods had similar plans, but their apocalypse was going to be bigger, better and way cooler sounding - Ragnarok! An assortment of conspiracy theorists, mad scientists and cheese-loving Europeans swiftly got involved in what was quickly going to become… well, a bit of a mess really. Featuring: an eight-legged pantomime horse, a 16-foot snake, original rock and tango music numbers, terrible accents and a lovable godly wolf.

Cast

The Horsemen of the Apocalypse

Death - Georgia “I found a puppy!!” Watkins (St Hilda's)
War - Rebecca “They can't read” Barton (Regent's Park)
Famine - Markus “Can I just flounce?” Beeken (Brasenose)
Pestilence - Will “Am I German or not?!” Ainsworth (St Edmund Hall)

Norse Gods

Thor - Tegan “Norse, not Nazareth” Gears (Teddy Hall)
Loki - Edoardo “Brother?!” Lomi
Hel - Becky “I know about sex” Hicks (Oriel)
Odin - George “Only one nipple rub” Tall (St Edmund Hall)
Fenrir - Valeriia “A GOOD BOY” Gladkova (Merton)
Sleipnir - Branoc “Neigh, I'm a horse” Richards (Formerly Magdalen) and Olivia “I'm an ass” Boyd (Teddy Hall)
Jormungandr
- Leo Tucker
- Em Fawcett
- Charlie Howley
- Matilda Fisher
- Andrew Kenyon-Roberts

The Illuminati

Mary Berry - Velina “Less natural sass” Robinson (Mansfield)
Elvis Presley - Emma “It was fine when it wasn't flaccid!” New (St Hilda's)
Tim Foyle - Em “If this even my real name” Fawcett (Wadham)
Herald - Ed “Too stupid” Tansley (St Anne's)

The Cambridge University Necrotic Technology Society

Professor E.V.I Lampton - Maddie “Running low on bubonic” Leggett (St John's)
Doctor N.A.S Thompson-Young - Tzveta “Do you actually want me to act?” Pokrovska (LMH)
Doctor B.A. Dampfnudel - Samanwita “It's alive!” Sen (Oriel)
Simeon - Charlie “Well, bugger” Howley (LMH)

The Swiss Defence Ministry

Mechant - Fen “I love war” Brunt (Mansfield)
De Neutre - Andrew “Draft a peace agreement” Kenyon-Roberts
L’Gris - Ana “Where would we brie without cheese?” Pagu (Linacre)

Aliens, Monsters and Conspiracy Theorists

Ester - Lily “Pretending to pretend to act” Miles (Hertford)
Fi - Remy “Aliens exist!” Soysal
Hugh - Olivia “I know how humans walk” Boyd (Teddy Hall)
Howard - Alex “The Moon is flat” Coombs (St Peter's)
Samphire - Matilda “confused by the confusion” Fisher
Rolf - Leo “I wish you were my butt” Tucker (Wadham)
The Mummy - Neil “No idea what happens in this play” Suchak (LMH)

Assistants to the Horsemen

Mort - Alex “Born to play this part” Coombs (St Peter's)
Olive - Olivia “Olivia” Boyd (Teddy Hall)
Victor - Ed “I record Bake Off for them” Tansley (St Anne's)
Jessica - Samanwita “#PestilentPride” Sen (Oriel)

The Adversary, Destroyer of Kings, Angel of the Bottomless Pit, Great Beast that is called Dragon, Prince of This World, Father of Lies

Satan - Jake “Surprise!” Griffiths (Brasenose)

Production

Director - Matilda “Sugary bribery” Tempest (Mansfield)
Assistant Directors
- George “This is a terrible idea but ok” Tall (St Edmund Hall)
- Branoc “If you can't learn lines, direct” Richards (Formerly Magdalen)
Writers
- Lily “I blame Katie” Miles (Hertford)
- Katie “I regret nothing” Moore (Ex-Magdalen)
Producer - Ana “You want a snake how long?!” Pagu (Linacre)
Musical Directors
- Markus “M-Dawg McBeek” Beeken (Brasenose)
- Jake “Jakee the Griff” Griffiths (Brasenose)
Stage Manager - Becky “Onion” Hicks (Oriel)
Assistant Stage Manager - Elise “Big Red Button” Most
Lighting Technician - James “Like last time but less rubbish” Marsden (Ex-Corpus)

Special thanks to Ana Pagu, Becky Hicks and Lily Miles for filming.

Songs

The Horsemen of the Apocalypse
- Lily “Ominous chords” Miles (Hertford)
- Jake “Couldn't find an organ” Griffiths (Brasenose)
We are the C.U.N.T.S
- Emma “This song broke my autocorrect” New (St Hilda's)
The Death Tango
- Jake “Markus, no one's going to get it” Griffiths (Brasenose)
- Markus “It's a Hamlet reference, Jacob!” Beeken (Brasenose)
The Ragnarock
- Jake “How are we going to fill the gap?” Griffiths (Brasenose)
- Neil “Head banging?” Suchak (LMH)
- Markus “Head banging.” Beeken (Brasenose)
The Death Tango: 2 Death, 2 Tango
- Markus “It's even wordier than last time” Beeken (Brasenose)
- Jake “Sorry Georgia” Griffiths (Brasenose)
It’s the End of the world
- Jake “Bonus cool points” Griffiths (Brasenose)
- Lily “We weren't lying” Miles (Hertford)

Script and Programme

everyone_dies_at_the_end.pdf

Please contact our webmistress Em if you're interested in seeing the recording of this show.

Flosscars Wins

Best Heroic Character	Tegan Gears (Teddy Hall) for Thor
Best Morally Ambiguous Character	Valeriia Gladkova (Merton) for Fenrir
Best Couple	Becky Hicks (Oriel) and Georgia Watkins (St Hildas) for Hel and Death
Best Script	Lily Miles (ex-Hertford) and Katie Moore (ex-Magdalen) for Everyone Dies at the End
Best Song	Markus Beeken (Brasenose), Jake Griffiths (Brasenose) and Neil Suchak (LMH) for The Ragnarock
Best Worst Prop	Becky Hicks (Oriel) and George Tall (St Edmund Hall) for the Horsemen's Horses
Best Cock-Up During a Performance	Georgia Watkins (St Hildas) for “Your girlfriend made me feel things…” instead of granddaughter
Best Quote from a Script	Lily Miles (ex-Hertford), Katie Moore (ex-Magdalen) and George Tall (St Edmund Hall) for Odin's Sexual Exploits
The “Ooh You Luvvie” Award for Actually Being Able to Act	Georgia Watkins (St Hildas) for Wishee Washee and Death

Flosscars Nominations

Best Heroic Character	Markus Beeken (Brasenose) for Famine Georgia Watkins (St Hildas) for Death
Best Villainous Character	Jake Griffiths (Brasenose) for Satan Edoardo Lomi for Loki George Tall (St Edmund Hall) for Odin
Best Morally Ambiguous Character	Becky Hicks (Oriel) for Hel Emma New (St Hildas) for Elvis Presley
Best Group/Double Act	Will Ainsworth (St Edmund Hall), Rebecca Barton (Regent’s Park), Markus Beeken (Brasenose) and Georgia Watkins (St Hildas) for the Four Horsemen Em Fawcett (Wadham), Emma New (St Hildas) and Velina Robinson (Mansfield) for the Illuminati George Tall (St Edmund Hall), Becky Hicks (Oriel), Edoardo Lomi, Tegan Gears (Teddy Hall), Valeriia Gladkova (Merton) and Branoc Richards (Formerly Magdalen) for the Norse Gods
Best Couple	Rebecca Barton (Regent’s Park) and Fen Brunt (Mansfield) for War and Mechant
Best Spurious Accent	Will Ainsworth (St Edmund Hall) for Pestilence not being German Andrew Kenyon-Roberts for De Neutre Ana Pagu Linacre) for L'Gris
Best Directing Team	Matilda Tempest (Mansfield), George Tall (St Edmund Hall) and Branoc Richards (Formerly Magdalen) for Everyone Dies at the End
Best Marketing Campaign	Ana Pagu Linacre) for Everyone Dies at the End
Best Song	Lily Miles (ex-Hertford) and Jake Griffiths (Brasenose) for It's the End of the World Lily Miles (ex-Hertford) and Jake Griffiths (Brasenose) for The Horsemen of the Apocalypse Emma New (St Hildas) for We are the C.U.N.T.S
Best Performance of a Song	Jake Griffiths (Brasenose) for It's the End of the World Becky Hicks (Oriel) for the Death Tango George Tall (St Edmund Hall) for the Ragnarock Georgia Watkins (St Hildas) for Death Tango
Best Costume	Ana Pagu Linacre) for Jormungandr
Best Worst Prop	Ana Pagu Linacre) for Sleipnir's extra legs
Best Best Prop	Ana Pagu Linacre) for Mr Snuffles
Best Cock-Up During a Performance	Will Ainsworth (St Edmund Hall), Rebecca Barton (Regent’s Park), Markus Beeken (Brasenose) and Georgia Watkins (St Hildas) for the scrambling up of the first scene Tegan Gears (Teddy Hall) for Thor losing his beard then trying to reattach it
Best Cock-Up Backstage or During a Rehearsal	Em Fawcett (Wadham) for writing conspiracy theories in permanent marker Edoardo Lomi for pulling a Kybett in the Speedrun: walking on, nodding, walking off again
Best Ad-Lib	Em Fawcett (Wadham), Leo Tucker and Charlie Howley (LMH) for “Do the snake boi” Lily Miles (ex-Hertford) for “Satan died of loneliness 10 minutes later”
Best Audience Participation/Heckle	Judith Moore (Balliol) for “What a waste of a prop”
Best Quote from a Script	Lily Miles (ex-Hertford), Katie Moore (ex-Magdalen) and Valeriia Gladkova (Merton) for “I AM IN PEAK PHYSICAL CONDITION FOR MURDER” Lily Miles (ex-Hertford), Katie Moore (ex-Magdalen) and Valeriia Gladkova (Merton) for “I AM ALSO CONFUSED BY THIS” Lily Miles (ex-Hertford), Katie Moore (ex-Magdalen) and Becky Hicks (Oriel) for “I'm millennia old dad, I know about sex.”
The “Ooh You Luvvie” Award for Actually Being Able to Act	Becky Hicks (Oriel) for Hel Valeriia Gladkova (Merton) for Mr Mason and Fenrir
The “Beyond the Call of Duty” Award for Going Beyond the Call of Duty	Rebecca Barton (Regent’s Park), Maddie Leggett and Lily Miles (ex-Hertford) for finding a venue

show

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