| Language | Word | Pronunciation | Precise meaning | Comment |
| French | merde | maird? Sort of thing | shit | Okay I knew this one already. |
| German | Sheiße | shy-se | shit | Yes, we all knew this one already too. |
| German | kacke | cah-key | poo | Very like the Flemish and Hebrew to follow. Interesting. |
| German | aa | ah-ah | poo | A child's word. |
| German | haufen | how-fen | pile of poo | I have forgotten so much German vocabulary. The other day I found some scrap paper I was testing my German spelling on, many years ago, and I didn't understand a word on it. I hope these four words will stay with me forever. |
| Slovak | velka halda hovien | velka halda hovy-en | big pile of poo! | The boss's son was surprised when everyone on the camp could pronounce this perfectly. |
| Slovak | stračka | strachka | shit | Look, I bothered to find the code for the symbol! May not bother with that again. |
| Czech | banos | banos | diahorria | You could use this between yourselves to be subtle about your condition. Or you can just repeat the word to yourself, appreciating its beauty. |
| Russian | govno | guv-norrr | big bits of poo, big proper satisfying lumps | Look no Cyrillic alphabet. Sorry, can't be bothered. |
| Russian | kakashka | kakashka | little bitty bits | I had a conversation with a Russian bloke at a bar, consisting of me saying 'govno' and him gesturing big handfuls of things, and me saying 'kakashka' and him gesturing little crumbly things. Who says this isn't a useful hobby? |
| Russian | ponos | poh-nohs | diahorria | Look, linguists - this is similar to the Czech word for diahorria! And they're both Slavic languages! |
| Japanese | kuso | kso - a sharp breath | shit | My mother has lots of Japanese friends and this is the only Japanese word I know. I don't practice it much. |
| Japanese | unko | unko | poo | Oh yes I know this Japanese word too. That helps. |
| Finnish | paska | paska | shit | Very like pasta, don't you think? |
| Swiss German | shissdräck | she's-drack | shit | That character map has finally been useful. |
| Swiss German | gagu | gaa-goo | poo | So maybe when babies say "gaa-gaa-goo-goo" they're talking about poo. See, you learn psychology from this too. |
| Polish | gowno | guv-nor | big poos | Like the Russian. Is there a Polish equivalent of kakashka? I'd really like to know. |
| Hebrew | kaki | kaki | poo | Once again, I'm too lazy to do this in the right characters. |
| Flemish | hoopja | hope-ya | pile of poo | From lovely Flemish Sofie. |
| Flemish | kaka | kaka | poo | Identical to the Hebrew. How interesting. Are the languages related at all? Or is there some intrinsic 'kak'-ness to poo that all nations notice? |
| Romanian | rahat | rah-hat | poo | You should always roll your r's in Romanian. I'm not very good at that, but I can just about do a trrrr. Don't put a t in front of rahat. It becomes something very rude indeed, in Russian. |
| Slovene | drak | drak | poo | I hope this is right, I learnt it in the middle of the night in a wood hut after much farm-made schnapps... nobody has ever seen James so drunk... |
| Estonian | sitta | si-te | poo | This is mentioned in Finnegan's Wake. Apparently. |
| Estonian | jama | yuhmuh | crap | JAMA is the Journal of the American Medical Association. |
| Welsh | cach | Like "kak", but with a Gaelic "ch" at the end, and, sometimes, a long rather than a short "a". | crap | Andrew Billson got in touch to help me with pronunciation. This page's fame is spreading! |
| Welsh | malucachu | ? | bullshit | Literally, 'grinding poo'. |
| Spanish | mierda | mee-yerda | shit | Like the French. |
| Danish | lort | law[d/th] | shit | Thanks to a friend of Sally's, who originally thought she wanted the translation of Winnie the Pooh's name... |
| Danish | Peter Plys | Payder Plis | Winnie the Pooh | ...so I know this too. |
| Nowegian | dritt | ? | shit | Thanks to Miles. |
| Norwegian | baesj | bash | poo | From a chap I met at a conference, forget his name, sorry. |
| Norwegian | mokk | muck | poo | From the same chap. |
| Arabic | caa-caarh | caa-caarh, said with much phlegm | poo | Thanks to Lid's Arabic friend. |
| Korean | ddong | ddong | poo | The first poo I've been offered from a random who read this site! How exciting! |
| Korean | seolsa | seolsa | diarrhoea | |
| Pulaar | baige | beh-ge | poo | Language spoken by the Peul people in south-west Mali. |
| Bambara | bo | bo | poo | The Bambara are the largest ethnic group in Mali. |
| Tamil | pee | pee | poo | Credit to Kannan Srinivasan, another wonderful person who I've never met, but contact has been made via this wonderful network of internet and friends and things. |
| Hindi | tatti | tut-ti, with more stress on "ti" | poo | Another from Kannan Srinivasan, simultaneously found for me in Paris, by Cath, and one J. Parsram, who provided pronunciation. |
| Italian | merda | mare-dah | shit | Similar to the Spanish! From Canadian Dan Nemeth, via his Californian brother. |
| Hungarian | sar | sar | shit | Also from Dan Nemeth; the spelling may be wrong but it's right phonetically. |
| The language of my friends and I | Tommy | Tommy, the name | A poo which has been hidden for some sick game of hide-and-seek. | This is not a game I have played. I read about it in The Guardian's account of readers' worst New Year's Eves. You shit in a hidden place, then call "Tommy's out!", and everyone hunts for it. What fun. Yuk. |
| Latin | Caca! | caca | Shit! This is the imperative form, in which case it means "I command you to shit". The verb cacare declines in the normal way, so for example 'cacat' means 'he shits'. | Another addition from Andrew Billson, which possibly explains the essential kacki-ness in so many languages. Many thanks to him, and to the mysterious 'AY' who corrected my Latin grammer. |
| Cymraig / Kernow / Old Northern Englandwelsh / Strathclyde Old Welsh | kack | Poo | Thanks to Lindsay Hollaway for pointing out that this word in fact has Brythonic roots. In case anyone else is as ignorant as I was five minutes ago, Wikipedia tells me that The Brythonic languages (or Brittonic languages) form one of the two branches of the Insular Celtic language family. Well, you learn something new every day. Ah, but it also tells me that Common Brythonic borrowed some words from the Latin. Could this be one of them? Why would the ancient Britons take their invaders' name for poo? The bbc says that they mainly borrowed words for things that they had not had before - must we conclude that the Ancient Britons did not defecate? Or were the Romans so impressed with the shit in Britain that they borrowed the word from here? Yes, I prefer that theory. For the purposes of this webpage, until someone else tells me otherwise, all kack words come from the Brythonic. |
|
| Portugese (Brazil) | Bosta | Just like "Basta" from Italian; change from "a" to "o" like in "rock" | shit | Kindly donated by Joel Silva dos Anjos, from Brazil. It's so cool getting all these contributions from around the world! |
| Gaelic | Fual | f-well | Human waste | Another from Cath, spending her time well in pastures foreign by improving my collection. |
| Latvian | Sudus | Sue-duece - the d is kind of pronounced like a "th" | Shit | From Ryan J Mundt, whose roommate is Latvian and has a bit of a poo fetish. What a fine person! And if you really want to impress a Latvian, "Et Sudus" means "Eat Shit!" |
| Nepali / Nepalese | Ghu | Goo | Shit | |
| Nepali / Nepalese | Disha | Dee'sha | Poo or poop | Both from the wonderful Mark House, of whom I know nothing further! |
| Swahili | Mavi | Mar-vee | poo | Thanks to Paul Shields in Cambridge |
| Tagalog (language of the Philippines) | tae | "tay" in sort of a short harsh burst of breath | Shit, a very ugly rude word | Thanks to Paulina Lexington |