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The Last Cow in Nowheresville (Trinity, 2010)

nowheresville poster

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Last Cow tells the tale of a young adventurer's stay in a seemingly innocuous place called Nowheresville, a town beset by villainy from all sides, in which the only cow left looks suspiciously like a pantomime horse. The play is notable for its use of meta-textual dialogue, its genre-savvy characters, and the large amount of cross-dressing


  • Narrator - Marcus “speaking of penis jokes” Garner-Hatcher (Lincoln)
  • The Linedance Kid - Tom “last night in bed” Perkins (New)
  • Wayne Clintwood - Dan “don't push it” Artus (Regent's Park)
  • Butch the Indecisively Named - Sasha “the adjective” McKenna (St Hildas)
  • Good Hench - Benjamin “won't stop till the drag me off” Nye (Hertford)
  • Bad Hench - Seb “three commandments I haven't broken yet” Atay
  • Ugly Hench - Helen “I'll verb your noun” Nightingale (Somerville)
  • Sheriff Benedict - Fabby “amoral associate” Styles (Oriel)
  • Deputy Order - Mariel “more imprisonment without trial” Harrison (St Hilda's)
  • Virginia Cockermouth - Thomas “broadcaster of bovine brainwaves” Woolley (St Johns)
  • Handjive Harry (Local Tycoon) - Duncan “special socks” Coutts (Worcester)
  • Scarlett - Felicity “rassifrassin' varmints” White (Merton)
  • Jane -Eilise “not sure why I mentioned it” Norris (Mansfield)
  • Doc Green - Richard “only a model” Owen (Ex-Lincoln)
  • Dr Doctor - Martin “coo” Corcoran (St. Edmund Hall)
  • Rubber - Jonathan “trouserless” Sims (St. Hilda's)
  • Ducky - Tim “acquired taste” Ledsam (Hertford)
  • Monty -Sally “I'm so happy” Outen (Ex-Worcester)
  • Roberta Fett - Hannah “even the most hardened criminals can play the ukulele, ma'am” Snell (Balliol)
  • Bandito 1 - Martin “itchy moustache” Corcoran (St. Edmund Hall)
  • Bandito 2 - Jonathan “etcetera” Lipscombe (Mansfield)
  • Bandito 3 -Tim “was going for Gloria Gaynor” Ledsam (Hertford)
  • Old Spurious Exposition - Péter “néver” Connell
  • Mysterious Stranger - Alice “ukulele troll” Young (Hertford)


Script and Programme

Flosscars Wins

Best PropTim Ledsam (Hertford) for The Plot Crunch-o-matic 3000
Best Special EffectPerry Hartland-Asbury (Mansfield) for Tumbleweed
Best fluff/fuck-up/cock-up during a performanceTim Ledsam (Hertford) for Breaking Rule 3. You know, the one that was written because of this incident…

Flosscars Nominations

shows/nowheresville.1524225211.txt.gz · Last modified: 2018/04/20 11:53 by lily